I agree with your comments discussing the personal impact “On Passing the New Menin Gate” had on your own perspective. Perhaps you could discuss in further how Sassoon demonstrates the hypocrisy of war?
I believe this poem stands up against the idealist perception of war, I don’t necessarily agree that the quote “Who shall absolve the foulness of their fate.- Those doomed, conscripted, unvictorious ones?” directly speaks of standing up for their beliefs as you stated. Perhaps you can further consider how this idea might be supported.
All over, a good response but be careful of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors (Perhaps consider changing “as seen your quote” to “as read in your quote?”)